Chapter Fifteen: My Recycled Soul by Lynette Ferreira
In my room, I change into my pyjamas and then I burrow in under my bedding.
I close my eyes and my persistent, over-active imagination once again conjures Jared’s handsome face in front of me. I will not see him again until Monday. Miserably my heart skips a beat. Even if he does not like me, I like him and even if I can only stare at him longingly, without anybody noticing, I will be okay.
Not!
Falling for him so quickly, I know deep down I am being completely brainless, but can a person really dictate to their heart? From this moment, every time I see him, even though I would want to be close to him, to feel his arms wrap around me once more, I will ignore him too. I will never let him know how I feel, or that I was dense enough to fall in love with him, just because he showered me with attention for one evening.
Silly Elizabeth.
The sun stays hidden behind a thick layer of clouds. The clouds are hanging close to the ground, and the rain is so persistent I cannot see where the clouds end and the rain starts, just a plain grey sheet in front of my eyes.
Sean lights a fire in the fireplace, while Esther brings blankets from the upstairs linen cupboard, so we can make a bed on the carpeting in front of the TV. My mum drives to the village to stock up on treats and to rent movies.
It is blissfully relaxing.
When it is a beautiful sunny day, I always feel obliged to do something constructive, whereas on a cold rainy day, I seem to have no worries about just taking it easy.
We watch movie after movie, as I shovel chocolates and crisps into my mouth. During the third movie, I start drifting off to sleep. I am still in between pretending to watch the movie and dreamland, when my mobile’s ring tone snaps me out of my drowsiness. Without looking at the caller id, I press the reply button.
“Hello?” I ask sleepily.
“Hey Elizabeth,” Jane says, sounding excited.
“Hey.”
“Are you sleeping?”
“Almost.”
“Go and get dressed. I am picking you up in an hour.”
“Why?”
“Connell decided to have a house party this evening.” Hesitantly she carries on, “His parents have gone to Galway for the weekend.”
“I’ll have to ask my mum first.”
“Ask if you can sleep over at my place. I’ll hold on.”
I do not know if I really feel like going to a party. I am feeling lazy, and besides what if Jared is there, ignoring me again? “I don’t know, Jane,” I say uncertainly.
She pleads with me, “Come on. For me… Maybe this is the night Aaron notices me.”
I think about it for a few seconds, and then reluctantly I give in. “Fine. Hold on.” I turn to my mum and Sean stretched out on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms. “Mum, Jane asks if I could go and sleep over at her house tonight.”
Worry flashes across my mum’s face, but I see Sean hugging her to him tightly, while saying, “I think it would do you good to get out and to stop moping around the house with that sulky face of yours.”
My mum smiles in agreement. “It would be nice for you to visit with your friends out of school, wouldn’t it?”
Ugh! I thought they would say no.
Jane heard the answer and now she screams into the phone, “See you in an hour.” She ends the call and there is no chance of protesting any further.
I get up from the floor and then drag myself up the stairs to my room, trying to wake up. I have a quick shower, wash, dry and straighten my hair. I decide against wearing make-up. I am definitely not in the mood for socializing.
Standing in front of my cupboard deciding what to wear, I wonder if Jared will be there and if he will grace me with his attention, or if he will just disregard me again. I start to feel angry that he could do this to me. How could he be nice and all over me one day, and then totally shun me the next? I do not care if he has a history with Sarah. He should have just sat next to her on the beach then and left me out of it.
While pulling on a pair of jeans and a figure-hugging t-shirt, I am not sure to what extremes people here go when dressing up for a party. I would not like to look like a beach bum, while everybody else looked as if they stepped out of the pages of a magazine—especially Sarah, I consider sarcastically.
Looking at myself in the full-length mirror on the back of my bathroom door, turning this way and then that, I am still contemplating changing when the doorbell chimes.
I hear Jane’s voice introducing herself to Sean.
He replies, “Hi, Jane. Come in.”
“My mum is waiting in the car,” she apologizes.
I hear Sean calling, “Hello.” He is probably waving and smiling at Jane’s mum, halfway down the driveway.
Must go as you are.
Quickly I throw a few things in my overnight bag. Then remembering to paste my fake smile on my face, I walk down the stairs, pretending to be excited.
I smile a greeting to Jane, grab my coat at the door and leaning past Sean, I call to my mum in the lounge, “Bye, Mum. See you tomorrow.”
As I walk out the door, I hear my mum’s, “Bye, be safe,” drifting toward me.
I say, “Bye,” to Sean, and then Jane and I walk toward her mum’s car.
Sean calls after me, “Do you have your phone?”
“Always.” I look back over my shoulder.
“Keep it on this time.”
“I will. Don’t worry!”
We get in the car with Jane’s mum and after Jane introduces me to her mum, we drive off. Sean waves from the door and I can hear his faint, “Bye,” as I wave back to him.
We drive to the village. It is about a forty-minute drive, so it takes a while. I feel the excitement radiating from Jane and this in turn lifts my spirit, so I decide this could be fun after all, even if Jared is there. I will just ignore him and make him feel what it feels like.
