Chapter Twelve: My Recycled Soul by Lynette Ferreira
She changes the subject and says seriously, “You shouldn’t let Sarah bother you. There is a long story behind her and Jared.”
“What story?” I ask urgently, feeling a twinge of jealousy
spindle its way around my heart, but just then, we walk into the main building.
At the end of the long corridor, Jared is standing at his
locker, the door open and he is rummaging in it. He is separate from the group
of people I now consider my friends.
His back is turned away from the entrance and me.
I walk down the corridor, with Jared as my focus. As with my
decade long crush on Jason, I would never ever have considered saying anything
first, if not for the sense of fate rushing through me.
Walking past Jared toward my locker, I greet him friendly,
“Good morning, Jared.”
He glances across his shoulder at me with a frown, and then
after he pushes his locker door shut, he pushes past me with a “Yeah.”
What? Should have waited for him to say hello first.
I turn toward Jane with an astonished look on my face. She
smiles sympathetically, saying, “Will tell you the whole story at break. You
need to know.”
“Tell me now,” I insist.
The bell rings and she replies apologetically, “It is a long
story, as I said earlier. I will tell you at break.”
I do not want to seem desperate, so I nod my head in
agreement and then we walk to our class together, while I pretend everything is
as it should be. I smile and chatter; yet my heart feels shattered. Not to
mention, my feeling of utter humiliation.
In class, I cannot concentrate on any of my subjects. I go
over every little detail of the previous evening on the beach and on the drive
to my house, looking for something, anything I could have done wrong, that
would have offended him so strongly.
Maybe, I am so attracted to him I misread him completely,
and I imagined he is just as attracted to me, when obviously he is not.
After each class, walking down the corridor to my next
class, my eyes search for him.
I see him, and I notice that he sees me too. He even returns
my gaze, which I quickly avert.
I did not want him to think I am pathetic – liking him too
much, too soon, when clearly, he used me to make Sarah jealous.
Why I am starting to get an awful, gut wrenching feeling in
my stomach, which gets worse as the day drags on, I do not know. Maybe it is
the way I fell immediately in love with Jared the moment I saw him. It is crazy, the way I feel as if we belong
together.
By the time break arrives, it is raining outside,
which means Jane and I cannot go out to sit on the grass, or the pavilion to
get some privacy. Obviously, the cafeteria is not a place for secrets.
She looks at me helplessly, but I take hold of her by the
hand and gently, yet persistently, I make her follow me up and down the
corridors. We find a corner away from everywhere, away from too much student
traffic and we sit down on the carpeting. We sit next to each other and lean
our backs against the cold, damp wall, folding our legs in under us. I look at
Jane and insist at once, “Tell me.”
She turns her head to me, resting the back of her head
against the wall. “Okay, so Jared and Sarah have history. They have basically
been together from the day they were born, because their parents have been
friends since forever. I suppose it got serious between them in first year and
everybody knew Jared was the more serious one, so when Sarah broke it off with
him in third year, he was devastated. He did not even come to school for a
whole term, and rumours were going around that he had broken his leg, but
nobody ever saw him to say if it was so or not. To make matters worse Sarah
left Jared for Dermot, a relationship doomed from the beginning. For two years
now, Jared has not even looked in the direction of another girl, except Sarah,
so she has always believed he was still hers to have, whenever she wanted him.
That is also why we were all so shocked yesterday when he seemed so attracted
to you and,” she whispers, “Sarah now hates you with a passion.”
“They are still together?”
“No, silly. Sarah thinks so though, but I am sure he is long
over her.” Jane sounds cheery and optimistic.
“How can they still be friends then, if she supposedly broke
his heart?”
“Like I said, they basically grew up together, so maybe he
has no choice to be friends with her.”
“I don’t think so, because why then is he ignoring me today?
Maybe, he is still waiting for her, and he was trying to make her jealous with
me, the new girl. I obviously jumped to conclusions, but…”
“No, you didn’t jump to anything,” she interrupts me. “We
all noticed him taking an out of the ordinary interest in you, but you have to
understand, he has not gone out with another girl for two years now, so maybe
he is afraid to be hurt again.” She nudges her shoulder against mine. “He’s
damaged.” I frown briefly, while she continues, “Well anyhow, your parents also
move in the same social circles now as Jared’s and Sarah’s parents, so you
don’t have to shy away from going after him, you know?”
“What are you talking about?” I stare at her.
“The land your dad owns, Jared’s parents’ land, and Sarah’s parents’ land all surround the village, and all three these properties have been in the same families since the 1300’s, owned by Lords. They are all very prominent, important people in this community. You see where I am going?”
